My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
