It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
