I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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