Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
