In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
