She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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