if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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