She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
