Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
