dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
