somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
