I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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