i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
