i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
