ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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