She is in my trunk
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You are a genius and a whore.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
