Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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