why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
