I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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