im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
