right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize