I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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