Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
