her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
