1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
