Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
