Dual....:-)
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
