The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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