Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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