Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
