We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
