How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
