The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Please don't give away my fajitas
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
