how do flat chested girls get laid?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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