he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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