In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
