please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
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I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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