bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Drake has all the answers
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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