There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
