So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Randomize
