We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
