i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize