I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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