I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
