i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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