whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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