Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
