Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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