My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize