I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize