Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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