my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
