all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
