How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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