Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
