During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
