So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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