Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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