My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
