My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When are your genitals available?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
