a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
