I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
