I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
