Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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