Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
