I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
