Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
