ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
