I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize