I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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