let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
