she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
