Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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