just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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