I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
