I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
do herpes really smell.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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