CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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