I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
