How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
