I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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