Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
