So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
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Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
All I want is dick and wine.
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