Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
