hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
