Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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